“Blame is simply the discharging of discomfort and pain. It has an inverse relationship with accountability. Blaming is a way that we discharge anger.” – Brené Brown – researcher, storyteller and professor
The quote emerges from Brené Brown’s extensive research into vulnerability, emotional intelligence, and the social dynamics of blame and accountability. As a renowned research professor, author, and speaker, Brown has spent decades exploring how people respond to adversity, shame, and imperfection, particularly in contexts that demand courage and connection.
This particular insight derives from Brown’s exploration of why people instinctively assign blame when confronted with pain or anger. Rather than solving problems or fostering growth, blame offers a false sense of relief—it shifts discomfort outward and temporarily soothes our own emotional turmoil. However, as Brown’s research demonstrates, blame is ultimately counterproductive; it consumes energy that could be spent on honest self-reflection and constructive dialogue, undermining the very possibility of real change or learning.
Brown shares candid, sometimes humorous stories about her own “blamer” tendencies, illuminating the universal nature of these behaviours and the courage required to break the cycle. She emphasizes that accountability—facing our role in situations, admitting mistakes, and communicating openly—demands vulnerability and resilience. True accountability opens the door to empathy, growth, and trust, while habitual blame keeps us defensive and disconnected.
Brown’s work on this subject has become foundational for leaders, educators, and organizations that prioritize psychological safety and high-functioning teams. Her call is not simply to reduce blame, but to build cultures where compassionate responsibility and honest conversations replace finger-pointing and shame.
The Person Behind the Quote: Brené Brown
Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston and a visiting professor at the University of Texas at Austin McCombs School of Business. She is the author of multiple New York Times bestsellers, including Daring Greatly, The Gifts of Imperfection, and Dare to Lead, and is widely recognized for her TED talk, “The Power of Vulnerability,” which has been viewed by millions worldwide.
Brown’s career is distinguished by her focus on vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame. Her work bridges rigorous academic research with practical guidance, helping individuals and organizations harness the power of difficult emotions to foster deeper connection and greater innovation. Her thoughtful insights into the dynamics of blame and accountability have reshaped conversations in business, education, healthcare, and public service.
Leading Theorists Related to Blame and Accountability
The study of blame, accountability, and emotional process has roots in multiple fields, from psychology to conflict resolution. Notable contributors include:
- Marshall B. Rosenberg: Creator of Nonviolent Communication (NVC), Rosenberg argued that blame and punitive mindsets perpetuate conflict rather than resolve it. He believed that all violence results from people tricking themselves into thinking their pain is caused by others, leading to cycles of blame and retribution. His teachings focus on empathy, personal responsibility, and compassionate dialogue.
- Andy Stanley: In leadership and organizational theory, Stanley provides insight into the futility of blame as an agent of change. He famously noted, “People who blame things rarely change things. Blame is an unassailable change-avoidance strategy.” His perspective reinforces the notion that embracing accountability is essential for growth and problem-solving.
- Albert Ellis: A notable psychologist and creator of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), Ellis emphasized personal accountability as central to emotional well-being. He taught that individuals must recognize and change their own irrational beliefs and reactions, including blaming others for their feelings and circumstances.
- Aaron T. Beck: The father of cognitive therapy, Beck’s research into cognitive distortions highlights that blame is often a symptom of deeper misconceptions about self and others, impeding effective problem-solving and emotional regulation.
Together, these theorists—along with Brown’s own influential voice—have illuminated the traps of reflexive blame and the transformative potential of compassionate accountability. Their collective work speaks to a universal truth: To create lasting change and connection, we must be willing to move beyond blame, confront vulnerability, and embrace responsibility.
